i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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