He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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