and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize