So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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