Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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