i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize