I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
