We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
