I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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