I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
