Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
