I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize