so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
