What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
