some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
