nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
