It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize