how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
