What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
