i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am naked and annoyed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
