Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this will be a night to untag.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
