Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
