I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she peed on how many people?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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