6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
