His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
