You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
