im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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