Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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