i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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