I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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