I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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