so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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