just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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