i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
