I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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