There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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