First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Randomize
