Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
