I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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