He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
