i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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