Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize