i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
porn star boner night. come get it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
