Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
