I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
