just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize