I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
