i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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