We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
