People in love make me want to vomit
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
