Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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