I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
