doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
