If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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