they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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