hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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