Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My life is pants optional.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
