why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
