I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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