Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
