I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
