:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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