Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
