So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize