Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
