i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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