I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
