Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize