sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
