Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's never too late to be topless.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
