So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize