Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize