My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
