The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
