Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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