considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
