I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
