K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
