I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i now understand why vodka
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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