I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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